[i have the distinct thought in mind]

sometimes a thought comes to me, and it slips away before i can properly catch it... i used to use this energy to write little blog posts, and sometimes that resulted in interesting posts, but they also had a rambling quality, and lately i've been finding i don't like that process, it seems to reduce -- anyway that's not about that

instead, here i'll try to use tarot to make sense of my thoughts.

1. i have the distinct thought in mind
2. my goal is to capture the thought
3. my method of capturing is intended to embrace nonsense, to some degree

i will perhaps also bsky this process

[the pre-existing idea being rewritten]

i intended to do a simple 3-card reading [past] [present] [future], each position representing a moment in the development of the idea, but before nailing it down i found i'd already shuffle and dealt the cards and looked at the first one, whose intepretation pinned the meaning of [past] to some degree... so i'll just keep it loose and go with what makes sense. i.e. [past] doesn't necessarily represent any specific past, it's open to either a) the pre-existing idea being rewritten or b) the reason the pre-existing idea came to be or neither/both/anything.

[ask... // what was the nature of the conflict? how do i know it's really done?]

POSITION 1 [PAST] = FOUR OF SWORDS
writing this name down made me think of The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures
... is there any connection there? idk.
the card itself is pastels (yellow, blue) with a single (lonely) figure dripping blood.
the meaning of the card is something like 'the aftermath of a battle'.
i wanted to express a leaving-behind of the complete graph...
it made me think, maybe the complete graph was a response to something, i was recovering, the complete graph felt relaxing, safe -- i could recover.
my lookup page says to ask... // what was the nature of the conflict? how do i know it's really done?
i thought also the complete graph could represent a kind of void of meaning. if nothing matters, everything matters. if everything matters, nothing matters.
this has been a thought of mine for a long time -- it started back when i was talking about 'high authority' games.

so, i'll try to sum this up as

[PAST] Flat connection of all elements creates a comfortable meaninglessness.

POSITION 1 [PAST] = FOUR OF SWORDS
POSITION 2 [PRESENT] = KING OF COINS
i just realized i forgot to address the TLOZ:4SA connection (if any). that's a multiplayer game... i only ever played it single-player, i think. not being able to play it togeter with anyone was the reason i never played it, more or less.
so, the king of coins. i wrote: "the king provides what is needed, and hears out your most ambitious requests." the king of coins has a grounded perspective.
maybe more relevant is the towers. coins... i'm reminded of the references bunnies makes to "coins and walls".

i can't sum this one up. court cards make no sense to me.
there's a person, a figure, a state of mind, who can handle connections, variance in value.

POSITION 1 [PAST] = FOUR OF SWORDS
POSITION 2 [PRESENT] = KING OF COINS
POSITION 3 [FUTURE] = QUEEN OF COINS
wow thanks deck, doubling down on the court of coins here.
preparing for the future... there's the bunny...
i think the deck is chastising me for not having a clear question, these characters coming out, they're telling me something
i was thinking about the signals nature sends today. wind blows. it doesn't mean anything, but we can still listen to the noise and interpret its meaning.

the meaning is our meaning.

i would like two more cards now that i know what i'm asking.
i think these rambling thoughts sound really really crazy. i'm not filtering anything and i'm using terms like 'complete graph' without defining them at all.
i suppose that i could write a version of this that would make sense, but i think i would personally get less out of the exercise that way, so i'm not gonna do it.

1. the complete graph is a nihilist view, which brought me comfort in a time of recovery after turmoil.
(i'm open to other perspectives, now.)
2. the king of coins is reliable, manages resources well. i'm inspired by this person's ability to handle so much, so many people.
3. the queen of coins is warm and comfortable, has plenty. it's another person - i'm being called upon to be inspired by this person, too.
(ok, be inspired by people. look and listen to people.)

maybe that's enough. i can leave it there for now.

a little more re-re-interpretation
looking up kings, they tend to have the connotation of activity, acting, 'wielding', and queens are more 'receiving' (this has generally been my reading too, the triangles are shaped the way they are in my deck for this reason)
also the coins, in context of the complete graph, 'earth', 'ground', 'material'... if i've been thinking about the material of games as the states and their interconnection, it's obvious that the complete (flat) graph is insufficient, limiting

1. four of swords : like the page of swords, an oversimplification, but in this case in service of a rest.
makes sense. i have been focusing my active mind (ah, swords!!!) on the elements rather than the paths.
2. king of coins : i'm now thinking about applying energy to the ground, the whole ground.
not just the elements but the paths.
3. queen of coins : and in order to do so, i'm thinking about how to receive the whole thing...
how does one experience and receive the entire material? the paths, the elements, the differentiations between the two types of thing.

I want to pursue beauty and freedom. I want to explore the thrill of the best parts of what videogames are and deliver nothing but smooth, perfect movement through imagined proprioceptive space.

It will, must, take some material form. Bits on the machine and pixels on the screen, bright.

wow there's something so thrilling about what i wrote for my artist statement here (may be changed.. unsure..)

the summary of my thought is that i had been thinking about freedom to move between points, but i'd like to think instead of the beauty of the material, which includes those paths. compositional rules must apply, in making and receiving.

obviously 'all things must be equal' cannot be possibly be right.

there are a countable number of interpretations, a player walks the needle, they want one path, then another, not a million undifferentiated paths. one interpretation, then another. ten interpretations but seen clearly -- CA's pattern of exits... that's how i experience it, too. can each needle's path be bright and clear? how many such paths does it take for someone to realize one that i never saw?

10? 10 needle's paths?