dear tally ive felt really inspired seeing tally's daily readings so i thought i would start too! a little scary!

specifically im trying to get back in touch with my own judgement of my own creativity and i think doing tarot is a good way to do that. ill be asking myself questions each day probably before and after i do my 4-ish hours of Creatively Satisfying Stuff which is a part of my day im trying to carve out rather than just hoping it happens or letting it happen to me. it's important for me... anyway here goes. day 1, comin up

2025-07-10. "soundtrack"
i lied!!! i'll start with day 0. i spent about 3 1/2 hours yesterday finishing up & releasing the soundtrack for The End of Gameplay and posting it on bluesky, and then i sort of had a mental "aaahhh" moment where i was paying altogether too much attention to social media response. and then i deleted all the bleets and thought i should start up this specific tarot practice, basically!

i did draw two cards for the soundtrack afterwards, but im not sure it was a very useful draw. i asked

what did i do right? KING OF SWORDS
what did i do wrong? THE DEVIL

... i think that the activity i did was not a very creative activity, it was mostly finishing something that i knew had to get finished at some point. i'm proud of it, but not extremely creatively satisfied? the king of swords tells me i wasn't objectively wrong, haha. but maybe i was wrong in feeling. it's a sort of validation, sort of not. anyway, the devil is obviously about posting on bluesky afterwards. social media. addiction to that machine attention, baybeeee.

result: the soundtrack is here: https://droqen.bandcamp.com/album/the-end-of-gameplay-full-moon-ost
there's also a hidden track where i read "thanks world" in an echoey stairwell lol
i like that recording. it's really awful, quality-wise, though.

[NINE OF CUPS]

2025-07-11. godot workshop
i have about three hours to teach people godot. i decided on a more specific angle, which is... "making little worlds in godot."
the questions i asked, whose function is to
  a. determine how i will judge myself whether the workshop is good or not, and
  b. actively resist relying on or folding to outside judgement! seven of wands my own motivations and feelings
these are the questions and the cards i drew:
  what do i like about making little worlds? NINE OF CUPS (note! an example of what i was talking about in this post in tally's thread - this card sort of popped out while shuffling before i had formed my question. so i shoved it back in, but, it came back out again in the reading?? in this case i think it's worth noting because i tend to put a little more emphasis on a card that does something special like that)
  what will other people like about making little worlds? THE STAR
  how can i make sure i keep myself on track in terms of what i like? ACE OF SWORDS

oh ha ha ha i forgot i hate planning and expectations! next time i will remember to do this afterwards rather than before, i think.

with creative work im usually looking for new ways of seeing the thing—i remember now that a question i have asked before is "what am i missing?" and maybe i should ask this about my work when its doing. "what am i forgetting to appreciate?" "what could i love, here?"

i will try that for this little piece of pixel art i posted. what am i missing? THREE OF COINS.

... lol, outside perspective. ok, thanks 😭

today i really wanted to abandon a workshop i agreed to run. i thought maybe i could do a super chill low key version of the workshop with no "learning outcomes". anyway i drew some tarot cards.

first, the EIGHT OF CUPS, which obviously told me what i already knew -- i was running away! but also maybe it was closer to complete than i thought, though that wasn't a comfort.

second, i asked what to do about it if i didn't want to run away and got the KNIGHT OF CUPS which to me has always been a real "go with the flow" type of character. yeah, that super low key chill workshop that i had been considering...

so i decided to give that a try, but then who came out of the deck while i was trying to put it away? .my old friend. SEVEN OF WANDS. stand your ground. so i thought, right, i really have to stand up for and commit to the laziness of this workshop.

nice tarot interaction. thanks, deck <3

oh no, i got derailed... my new question today was, "what am i avoiding thinking about?" this was my old go-to question and i want to get back into fear-facing journaling. so i think i'll play with queries along those lines.

i drew the seven f wands. standing up for myself...

uhh, i thought it made no sense at first but now that im writing this it's kinda clicking. i wonder if my weird new copyright video project is forgetting the part where i mean to stand up for myself? and i think in general lately ive been missing a certain vital fiery energy in just doing what i want -- instead i've been logicking and reasoning and doing what i think i've GOT TO do.

no way! i should be doing what i want! id like to come back tomorrow and ask some questions and kill a fear, a hesitation, a doubt... kill fear...