omg yes a grimoire! that reminds me one of the tarot guidebooks i encountered had a section for "notes" and... i wanted to include a section like that in mine, a book to fill out with personal meaning. filling a page per card sounds so fun.

I made myself a little grimoire. I wanted a place to easily look up tarot meanings as well as take notes. there are so many places I could look for meanings... my physical books, droqens reference, web sites... I want to pull them all together with my personal interpretations. It's also important to me that it's physical. I have a little A5 ish sized Muiji notebook that is only 60 pages that I decided to use. it's unlined. I pulled the extra 16 pages from a different book and decides to use the front and back covers as pages as well. I wanted to have one page per card to have the space to doodle and to have both upright and inverse meanings. can't wait for it to be filled up and look well loved.

I opened my deck two nights ago, and just found the will to share my secret. I went through the tarot lookup tool for each one on the store, and a few of them resonated. I think the four of coins just seemed like the most useful one for me:

Quoteask...
what am i forgetting to look for?

you're clinging onto all that you think you have.

I've tried a few readings and haven't drawn it yet. Enough time has passed since I ordered the deck that I'm dealing with a different headspace, and I don't know if I'm ready to answer this one at the moment. I guess a question that feels useful should always take time to answer properly.


The secret:

Quote

Four of Coins

Sometimes I cling to respectability, reputation, sitting in the spotlight like our character here, burdened by mere acceptance. Superego.

I desperately want to say the right thing, be the right person, be good.

This card makes me notice that.
I should turn off the lights instead + do whatever the hell I want!

I don't remember if this is what I expected. Anyway, it's probably more relevant than I thought it would be.

<3

ah, what in the world? I just drew this card inverted. imo. This is the only way to do a legitimate inverted card draw: it has to be completely unusual and unexpected. if you box the cards, unbox them as best you can. but nobody's perfect. anyway, what does this card mean reversed?

normally it carries the weight of anxiety about the future, especially one that you might be responsible for. i'm kind of sick right now... and i asked, "what if I still do the plans i had made with my sister tomorrow?" i know it's a bad idea. i considered asking the opposite question too: "what if i cancel them?" so i suppose the inversion could be drawin attention to my uncertainty and confusion regarding the matter.

the shadows are up in the air. the swords point to the past. perhaps i worry that the swords point to some poor past decision, rather than fearing for the future... in either case, however, it is fear of the consequences for my actions. was it wrong to delay this hangout in the first place?

X

Is killing gameplay non-linear?
Are there lots of side quests?

in short:
the forum is now, and forevermore, invite-only.
email me if you'd like to post.
love, droqen

i knew this day would come - who knew it would come so soon?
the other day an unknown person signed up: "Dustinsak"
i thought, how interesting, i wonder how they found their way here.
today, two more: "Randallboums", and "JeremyVef".

pause.

these don't look quite right.
i had a bad feeling, i checked them out. their emails all have the same domain:
@cloudcourier.xyz

ah.

then i dug a bit more and it became much more obvious:

these three profiles also had this hilariously obvious spam signature! links with the text "drugs drugs dark web"

i knew this day would come, but i didn't know it would be so soon, and i also didn't expect it to be so obvious, so i'm at least grateful for that.

when this happened i thought i would create my own tiny storefront where buying something of mine would come also with a little signup invitation to the forum.

i still think that's a cute idea, but it's not set up, and i want free signups besides. anyway it says this at the top already but if you're dying to get in, great, i have human verification at the gates (are you a real person genuinely interested in having conversations?) and that's it, that's the extent of their keeping,

I did a reading for someone today, a one-card pull.

"Should I keep doing this thing after I'm done this one step?" (Education/career)

What an interesting card to draw. So appropriate but so ambiguous. It communicates being partway, closer than you think, but also exhausted.

Does that mean to move forward with the thing that comes after the next boss battle or to abandon it? It's just a noticing, maybe. "Notice how much you've been through to get this far. You can get a little further." Maybe it means it's about to get easier, have faith. Maybe it means that once this is done you can be done with it.

Nine of wands

if you want to reply every time that's totally fine with me. I enjoy your input and feels like it helps me think about tarot in different ways. I think forum pacing (instead of DMs) takes away pressure of replying or feeling disruptive.

today (2025-07-17) I drew the magician. it feels like such a powerful card to flip over. I'm going to reflect on it more throughout the day.